Our CM team is abusive
Your Question:
“How can I increase the kindness and gentleness of our CM team, while still protecting the rules and guidelines of the ministry?”
The Issues:
If there are “harsh” team members who have been on the CM team for many years, you may be faced with removing them if they can’t, or won’t, be changed. “What’s best for the children?” or “What’s best for the parents?” must be the foundation for your actions. You may have to “sell” this concept to the senior pastor; who needs to understand that a harsh CM team member will drive people away from the church.
Scripture Foundation:
“Remove the mocker, and conflict will depart; even quarreling and insults will cease.” Proverbs 22:10
Short Answer:
It is critical that the CM is known for being kind and gentle. A harsh team member will drive children, and their parents, away!
Ultimately, this is a recruitment issue. The recruitment process should be created to reveal a “harsh” person, or a “gentle” person. Kindness and gentleness are “fruit” of the Spirit. If a person doesn’t show that “fruit,” this is something that needs to be addressed quickly. Being kind and gentle is a direct result of loving children. A “harsh” team member may view him or herself as “fixing” “bad” children.
The goal of the CM is to love children, and to “nudge” them toward Jesus through our kind and gentle treatment. If you encounter a CM team member who isn’t kind or gentle, you must speak to that team member privately as soon as possible. Be direct with the team member. Let him/her know that either you observed this harsh behavior, or that another team member has reported it to you. A harsh or “abusive” team member should not be permitted to continue as part of the CM team. This is a critical challenge for you as the leader. It goes against what you “feel” to consider removing someone from the CM team, but you must do it if that is the only way to protect the CM team, the children, and the church. Here is a biblical process for dealing with a harsh or abusive team member:
1) Confront personally – Jesus clearly establishes this as the first step in Matthew 18:15, Make an appointment to talk with the team member. This must happen within a day or two of the negative encounter.
2) Inform – Inform your senior pastor or ministry supervisor of the issue. Let him/her know what you observed or what you were told, and when you will meet with the team member.
3) Meet To Discuss – Meet with the team member. Don’t meet with the team member alone! If you have established coordinators, invite the coordinator over the specific area to join you in the meeting. If you don’t have area coordinators, invite your ministry assistant, direct supervisor, or a fellow church employee or pastor to join you. During the meeting, ask the team member to tell you his/her “side of the story.” Make it very clear that harsh or abusive words or actions cannot be tolerated. Give the team member a clear warning that a repeat of this behavior will result in his/her removal from the ministry. Give him/her the challenge to either correct the behavior, or be removed from the ministry.
4) Remove Temporarily – Give the team member a specific time to consider his/her choice. This can be a week, two weeks, or a full rotation period. During this time, remain in communication with the team member. Offer to have coffee with him/her (be careful about personal time spent with a team member of the opposite gender), stay in contact with him/her via text or email.
5) Document – Record your conversations with the team member on paper, Include the time, date, and specific things that were said. Keep this documentation safely protected in a locked file drawer.
6) Notify – Notify the senior pastor or your ministry supervisor about your encounters, and keep him/her informed about the progress.
7) Ask For Decision – After the week or two that you have given the team member to consider your challenge, meet with him/her again to hear his/her decision. Invite the same person who accompanied you in the first meeting to join you again. During the meeting, hear the team member’s commitment to correcting the behavior. If the team member chooses not to work on the behavior, then thank him/her for his/her service and retire him/her from the CM team. if he/she commits to work on the behavior, support that decision and ask how he/she plans to work on it. Encourage him/her to join a Bible study, or to develop an “accountability partner” relationship with a close friend. Reinforce the warning that if this behavior happens again, you will remove him/her from the ministry.
8) Update The Documentation – Document the team member’s decision and conversation.
9) Follow-up – Schedule a follow-up meeting in a couple of weeks to discuss the team member’s progress. 10) Update Pastor or Supervisor – Update the senior pastor or supervisor about the team member’s decision.
In your CM training, make sure to deal with “classroom management” techniques. A “seasoned” CM team member will use kind or gentle words to deal with even the most challenging child. Make sure to kindly connect with the parents when dealing with a challenging child. For more help, click on the links below.
Visit other articles in the “Building The CM Team APPENDIX”
